Deep Inner Game – Boundaries, Politics, Ethics, Forgiveness & Individuation – Dr. Paul Dobransky

2024 August Update: I have been going through the DVD set again and summarising it so have a look below to the live sessions as I update them in due course.

Links to the full summary series
DVD 1 | DVD 2 | DVD 3 | DVD 4 | DVD 5 | DVD 6 | DVD 7

I’ve decided to add this because it’s a great summary of the Boundaries aspect of the talk.

Note: David Deangelo and Dr. Paul Dobransky taught me so much in their video that I kept it for ages and still get more out of it. One of the few videos I’ve still kept for personal development. Deep Inner Game DVD 6 to be specific ;o) Let me know if you want me to do more on this topic or any specific subjects you’d like me to cover.

Related Links
– Self-parenting and finding the right balance between well-being and courage.
– Deep Inner Game featuring Richard aka Billy.
– The Power of Saying NO!
– Why is it difficult for us to forgive others?

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Full Transcript and Diagrams

Personal Boundaries & Politics
► We all have boundaries. Some with lots of open doors some with strong boundaries not allowing anyone to cross. Efficient boundaries help your self-esteem.

► Your decision making is a resource that operates those doors.

► Now imagine you have a certain level of power/charisma inside that boundary. That is the energy you decide to use when you open doors to various opportunities. A healthy choice would be win/win opportunities instead of win/lose.

► The doors to your boundaries could be for your partner, colleagues, family and community. This means your strategies would differ from e.g. your career strategy would not be the same as your love life strategy.

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Group Boundaries
► When it comes to group boundaries e.g. a company. The boundary will already be strong and mature otherwise the company would not last long.

► The company with have a leader with the biggest boundary and usually the most resources too.

► You have other employees who relate to each other and the leader.

► So if you’re thinking of joining the company you would look at what the commonalities are to establish the boundary. The same would work for the family group. The commonalities are a set of ideas that they share. You can call them beliefs or values or a mission statement of a company. Ask yourself if you share the same beliefs and vision.

► Some individual will have holes in their boundaries and exhibit weaker character like gossiping. Some will have very rigid walls and be more stoic. Hopefully, the leader doesn’t have holes or walls but has doors.

► Assess if you can tolerate other holes and walls, the environment. You could end up as the dumping ground for others anger and anxiety if the people have poor boundaries around you.

► An innovator is someone in the company that has a lot of intellectual resources and comes up with original ideas and values that are not too far out from the boundary which helps expand the company boundary.

► But if someone has an idea or value that is way out of the boundary and somehow they manage to drag some people to the new boundary, it becomes a cult. More than likely it will not last long as the boundary will not have enough support and resource.

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Ethics
► Ethics: an internal sense of destructiveness vs. constructiveness. It’s a learned skill. If you hurt people and they give you feedback, you would put that in your conscience to inform you of bad decisions.

► The sophistication of your conscience is going to help the maturity of your boundary.

► If you have a low conscience, you want to be able to use your observing ego to see when you hurt people or make bad decisions.

► This, in turn, will help you raise your conscience to know when you’re going to make bad decisions.

► Which will also help you close the door on yourself. Knowing that you’re tempted to do the wrong thing but you prevent yourself from doing it.

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Forgiveness
► Difficulty in forgiving yourself has to do with living in the past and having a strong emotion about it. Suffering is burning energy on the uncontrollable. When we shame ourselves excessively for too long is pathological grief (usually more than 6 months). Present guilt helps us as our observing eye to improve ourselves.

► Intention consists of various factors. We need education to keep our sights on the goal

► We need our street smarts or experience to make us flexible enough to get around obstacles.

► We need our intuition to read the best options to choose from.

► We need our conscience/ethics to have an honourable goal.

► The original meaning of sin is to miss the mark. So if your conscience is lacking, you would have missed the mark of having a just and noble goal. If this is the case, be able to forgive yourself and change what you choose.

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The Inner Wuss/Wussy Concept
► Decision: On the conscience and intuition scale the person with a lot of conscience will be top-heavy on superego. Meaning too much ethics and not much shrewdness. A wussy would be someone with a lot of holes in their boundary. Since the wuss will not have a good decision making resources, they will like to have a partner who comes in and makes the decisions.

► Intellect: Someone with less experience and more education would be more of a wuss.

► Emotional energy: The wuss would be more on the well-being side and more nurturers than they would be on the courage side. A boy wanting mommy to need him in a way.

► Please note that this is not a bad thing as everyone has been through this point in life. Those who don’t spend much time with the observing ego or never learn how to develop it will usually not mature.

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Individuation
► As a child grows up in the parents boundary. Hopefully our parents filled us up with good stuff and told us ‘no’ a lot. The child learns to say no back.

► Later in the teens, we start budding off and individuating. Our boundaries are still weak outside and we start forming deals with different kinds of peer groups.

► We look for or try to fit in the groups that feel like they match our ideas and vision. This feeds our boundary and help us form an identity to be independent of our parents.

► Finally being separate and distinct even though we are related and connected to different groups and politics.

► An example would be France being an individual country with it’s own distinctions while still being part of the EU and also being part of the world community.

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