Deep Inner Game with David DeAngelo and Dr. Paul Dobransky – DVD 2 (Summary)

Links to the full summary series
DVD 1 | DVD 2 | DVD 3 | DVD 4 | DVD 5 | DVD 6 | DVD 7

Model Problems – 3 Parts
– Biology: Medicine can fix this.
– Psychology: Education/Therapy can fix this.
– Stress outside your Boundary: Making a DECISION about the stress will fix this. Think about the serenity prayer. So stress can affect psychology and in turn, the biology. (Paras note: Similar to Ayurveda).

– A boundary with doors NOT holes or walls is healthy. Thick skinned people have been hurt so they have their ‘walls up’. Cell membranes let good things in and keep bad things out. Make sure the handle to the door is on the inside and not outside where people can come in and out as they please.
– Deals are always coming your way and you need to pick the win-win deals all the time.

4 Currencies – They are more valuable than money and can be exchanged for money.
– Strength: When you protect someone you’re lending your boundary to them.
– Freedom: Currency for decision making.
– Time: Is the currency for your intellect or ideas. Education and experience took your time in exchange. When you master ideas and intellect you get success.
– Love: You exchange that for your emotional energy and self-esteem.

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Independence to Intimacy – When it feels awesome to Co-dependency
When you meet someone that you sync with really well, the ideas, emotional energy and decisions in each of your boundaries match until you lose your boundaries to get to the point of INTIMACY where you live together, get married, have children, etc. Intimacy feels good but now you’re both in one boundary and if you stay in it, it transforms to CODEPENDENCY. These boundaries can be for teams, religions, masterminds, etc. In this case there is a better option called INTERDEPENDENCE. Today I need to do my thing. Someone with healthy boundaries and not walls or holes will be capable of healthy commitment.

As spoken in the previous DVD, the hurt and loss of stress will lead to anger and anxiety. Hurt enters or breaks into the boundary and becomes anger. Loss becomes anxiety.

Story of Troy/Trojan war where the metaphor is that your wounds have lessons. They are valuable. They’re put in initiation rituals for that reason. Paras example: Think of calluses from playing guitar.

Success
This is reaching a goal that is outside your boundary until your boundary gets that big. Just remember that it doesn’t mean your tank is fuller, you need to work on that too. How many successful people have you seen that are still empty.

How to Build Your Character – Using The Count of Monte Cristo
– Every character trait is covered in the movie.
– Edmond Dantès started out not very confident, a people pleaser and believed or listened to everyone. That is weak holes in his boundaries.
– Later he would have walls in his boundaries because of the betrayal and couldn’t forgive.
– Finally he became someone who used his power for good and helping others.
– Durable fulfilment, high character and maturity are the treasures of Monte Cristo.
– The Priest is the guru, a good mentor, they lend you their observing ego for you to be your own coach for life.

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Stress and Loss of Control
– Think of 3 times or places where you’ve let your weak boundaries allow stress to dictate your state of mind.
– Road rage is suffering because you’re burning energy on something you’ll forget in a short time.

Decision Making
– We can have constructive or destructive.
– Constructive ones are win-win and easier to make with observing ego.
– When you keep making the same decisions you make habits. So you can keep using your observing ego to help you make constructive habits that will carry on running in the background.
– Move from immediate gratification to delayed gratification.
– The decision spectrum has conscience/ethics (mamas boy) on one end and intuition (courageous brute) on the other. One looks IN while the other looks OUT on what is constructive and destructive. Your aim is to be right in the middle so you can reflect and weight both sides.
– The remedy is to make decisions and use observing ego to find balance. Even if you fail, you will carry on filling both sides of the pots, as long as you learn from them with your observing ego.
– When you achieve perfect balance, you have wisdom. Wisdom leads to leadership and opportunity.
– Conscience will help you understand if you’re about to make a good or bad decision.

We have mentors and heroes that we’ve never met who are constantly filling us up with character.

The Intellect Spectrum
– On one end you have Education/book smarts/left brain/past and the other is Experience/street smarts/right brain/future.
– Someone in the middle would be considered a genius.

Recommended Reading
– How To Fall Out Of Love (Getting Over A Relationship) by Dr. Debora Phillips, Bob Judd