Deep Inner Game with David DeAngelo and Dr. Paul Dobransky – DVD 1 (Summary)

Paras’ Note: In my 20s, a series of unfortunate events left me feeling like a victim. The teachings and techniques from these DVDs transformed my mindset and helped me grow from boy to man. I hope they can help you as much as they helped me.

Links to the full summary series
DVD 1 | DVD 2 | DVD 3 | DVD 4 | DVD 5 | DVD 6 | DVD 7

Intro Dr. Paul Dobransky
– Comes in with a Sword and talks about signs and symbols.
– Make a 90 day commitment to yourself to work on any materials – one hour a day to make a groove like a record.
– Write down your top three problems that you want to resolve e.g. getting self-conscious when interacting with a woman, attracting the wrong person, things need to be perfect or you can’t be a success, fear of not having anything to say after hi.

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– Count of Monte Cristo 2002 edition.
– Paul introduces Mind OS and he says how David’s ‘attraction isn’t a choice’ teachings are a great software. The observing ego parts in Mind OS will help a lot.
– Paul asks what your symbol is and you should have one to know who you are.
– Next is to find what your story is and surrender to it to head to your destiny. So you know your group or tribe. This is why tribes have initiation rites.
– Meaning of Gentleman – to raise to high position so either you are born into it or aspire to be one and being comfortable with being a man. Avoiding conflict is not something a gentleman would do.

Formula
Mature masculine power = observing ego ability + personal boundary function + confidence

– This is the formula of a cool man who makes decisions, knows what he wants, walks into a room with full confidence, they welcome failure and rejection.
– Symbolism of Bluebeard French fairy-tale and how guys should not divulge everything or give all the secrets.
– Story of The Count of Montecristo who starts out as a ‘nice guy’ ended up being locked up for years. Transformation to the Count (the initiation from boy to man). The story has each stage of a mans life. The symbolism of the prison is the boyish/immature low character and making a choice of diving into the cliff of the unknown. The man that helped him is the mentor who gives you the map to mature masculinity.

Decision
The quality of your life adds up to the quality of the decisions you’ve made. Any decision you make will lead to phycological growth weather it’s constructive or destructive.

– Being present is when you’re most alive. Making decisions, using your senses, feeling things. All these happen in the now. Observing ego is what you have in the present and that causes you to grow and be a better man. It’s your real-time eye to see what is really happening.

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4 Parts of your Psychology These can be used to solve every problem you come across.
1 – Personal boundary (more durable),
2 – Decision making (more freedom),
3 – Intellect and time (more success),
4 – Managing emotional energy (more happiness).

– Different people have different views on death from mourning to being ok with what people have achieved in life. People say they want money, freedom, success, happiness, etc and this will still not fulfil people. Paul uses one word – fulfilment. People happy with their death coming have achieved this.

Personal Boundary
– I’ve done 2 whole posts on this once I realised how powerful this is. You can find them here Deep Inner Game – Understanding Boundaries, Politics, Ethics, Forgiveness & Individuation
– Liberty is decision making and pursuit of happiness is high self-esteem.
– Your boundary is your personal country where you are the only citizen with your own customs, where you do your trades and transactions from.
– You have a spectrum so if you master the 2 ends of the spectrum you can master anything in between. Example you have one spectrum from anger to anxiety or confidence vs. well-being. See the link above for better breakdown.

– Problems you can’t solve you should let go or you keep suffering.

Use the pic to divide a problem into it’s anatomy.

Control
What is in your control is in your personal boundary. When you have a solid healthy boundary you can see clearly what you can and cannot control. People who are on autopilot will look at what they want to avoid during car accidents. The idea is to focus on where you want to go.

Suffering

Stuck in traffic and getting stressed costs you energy. Any time you use the word ‘should’ is when you’re suffering. This is because you have holes in your boundary and your resources are draining because you can’t say no or hear no.

Boundaries and Identity
Holes in a boundary will make your identity loose and you will be a pushover. The more preferences you have the more healthy boundaries you have so you and people around you know who you are and what you stand for. Vague language also means boundary problems. When women test you and you say no, they are more attracted because she’s trust you more.
– Stress is a hurt or a loss. Expenses is loss, insult is hurt, divorce could be both. These could also be imagined.

Co-Dependence
Be it a person, drugs, need, addiction, etc. Again, holes in the boundary. You try to fill the holes with your addictions. Patching holes in your boundary will patch holes in others.