How to Get Your Anger Under Control with Dr. Chip Tafrate – Podcast Summary

Anger is the forgotten emotion.

Anger and aggression is different. Anger is internal, aggression action and can be done just for survival and not anger. Most people get angry regularly but will not have the response of aggression.

Anger may have it’s place but ask yourself what good came out of it when you got angry to live a better life.

Get off auto-pilot when getting angry. Ask where it’s taking you and what solutions and strategies you can put in place to drive it.

Beware of advice from the wrong people like unqualified life coaches, especially when it comes to venting. What you repeat in practice becomes more permanent in your lives. You may feel good in the moment but it you will not learn to improve yourself in similar situations.

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Avoid fuzzy philosophical conversations, endless complaining or victimhood.

Anger emerges in a predictable sequence so examine it. Paras note: I’ve got an excel sheet with date, trigger, expression, intensity, duration, frequency/last incident, language, solutions. You can ask what autopilot behaviour happened and what was the outcome. Then you can find the right strategies and techniques to get the different variables in control.

Angry people usually have multiple life problems and/or not taking care of themselves. Think of it like if there is dry material around the house then there is a bigger likelihood of the fires being wilder than they need to be. Look at lifestyle from lack of sleep, alcohol use, etc. Substance abuse is a big one.

Anger is an equal opportunity and gender is not a variable. Men just end up creating a bigger destruction because of strength.

You don’t need to confront every injustice. Let go of the small things.

Things that get worse over time need to be addressed.

Limit contact with toxic people or use a thoughtful email so you don’t have to respond in the moment.

What are you saying to yourselves when you get triggered. Try writing what your rule book would look like if you had to explain to an alien on how to get angry. You rules could be things like – jump to conclusions with others actions and behaviours, people need to act the way I want them to, treat every trivial challenge as a big life setback, etc.

Stop AWFULISING. Everything doesn’t suck or is not there to ruin your life.

If you are someone who like to look for injustices you can practice forgiveness in everyday situations.

Someone cuts you off, wish them well and carry on enjoying your drive.

If you look for malicious intent towards you, look for the good intention instead. They must care about you so they’re doing something that doesn’t make sense at the moment.

Exposure therapy/practice: Like watching a scary movie 10 times to get desensitised to it. Spend some time thinking about anger triggering situations and practice breathing or mindsets after. Transfer it to real life so you can put it into live practice.

How to Manage Your Anger with a Tracker – Understand Your Triggers, Patterns and Solutions