The Narcissism Epidemic – Red Table Talk with Dr. Ramani Durvasula

Full video below the summary.

Ramani defines narcs as people with a lot of self-hate instead of people just into themselves.

They don’t have empathy for other people, they’re grandiose, deeply entitled, arrogant.

They can’t deal with frustration and when they get frustrated they become rageful.

You cannot win an argument with them. So if you give in to them wanting to win all the time, they are going to take advantage of that.

They are constantly seeking validation and hypersensitive to a point of being paranoid. (Can’t sleep at night thinking someone is trying to rob them is a perfect example.)

It comes down to how insecure they are and because of that they come out as ‘look at how great I am’. A big thing in the entertainment industry.

Someone who needs to invalidate you all the time. Or pointing out your flaws disguised as them wanting to help you be the best you can be.

There are different levels of narcissism.
– Classic narcs have been described above.
– Covert narcs come off as victims and can look depressed. They can be angry and dangerous.
– Malignant narcs are willing to manipulate, like, cheat, steal, lie. They’re basically the last stop on the train before being a psychopath.
– Noble narcissist. Do lots of good things and charitable stuff to have their name on billboards and get the spotlight. They look like a saviour to the community while behind closed doors they are cruel to their families and partners. So the loved ones are living in hell while they’re advertising what angels they are to the family.

It comes down to a lack of empathy because they don’t really care for people. So one minute they’ll say how forgetful, distracted or ADHD they are but at the same time, they are able to talk about themselves for an hour. Their conversations are about taking. They’ll take your story and turn it into theirs! Then when it’s your turn to talk they get bored or want to do something else or ADD kicks in.

There is a differentiation between Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and just calling someone a narcissist. The narc who doesn’t have NPD will feel like it’s invalidating to be in their presence.

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2 Surefire Signs of Narc Presence
– You feel the need to record your conversations.
– You feel like you need to write long texts or emails to explain yourself because they don’t listen.

Apparently the baby boomer generation is the most narcissistic and seem to still be taking from the other generations. Millennials are being thrown under the bus because of this.

When every other picture on your social media is of you… and you are constantly doing it… it’s a problem.

People at this time are more insecure because that is how you are sold things.

Kids with narc parents or distracted parents will get the narc seed sown in them. Even if they are getting all the material things thrown at them their emotional needs are undernourished. They go to Disneyland every week but they don’t have an adult around when they just want to cry and say they feel scared. This way they learn that only the outside stuff is what matters. Get good grades, win awards, be a good soldier, be well presented, no beards and earrings, etc.

Narcs cannot be cured. Even a good therapist can only help a little. It’s like if they are healed to be punctual, now they are punctual and to not listen to you.

Love bombing is when they manipulate someone with excessive attention.

They prey on people-pleasers, insecure people and co-dependents. People from really happy families also fall for them because they feel love can heal anything.

Some people stay in the relationship because of that one weekend in Miami and long to have that back. Others feel like they can heal the person. When the other person starts pulling back, the narc will love bomb to get them back so it turns into a vicious cycle.

A lot of Narcs have really rough backstories. Staying in a toxic relationship because of their backstory is not a good reason.

Coercive control is something narcs use to cause fear, isolation and dependence. They isolate you from people you love, all the activities you loved doing are slowly being cut off, you don’t have a safe place to go to, financial abuse. While faking it to the world that they were the providers and did so much. Even the custody battles are not for the kids but to get back at the partner and still feed off them.

The ultimate narc love sentence:
No-one is ever going to love you the way I do.

Gaslighting: Narcs will confuse their victims by making them doubt their reality. That never happened, I never said that, you are crazy, you are mentally weak, etc. The victim starts thinking they’re crazy or believing that they are that useless or a bad person.

Related Links:
– Signs and Solutions for Narcissism: An in-depth look
– Deep Inner Game to Help Create your own Reality
– Healing from Trauma