The Necessity of Fathers & Why They Matter – Jordan Peterson, Paul Raeburn (Including Bonus Posts & Stats)

Important note: This article has been edited a few times already to make sure the main point of the article is understood. There is so much out there showing how useless or stupid fathers are (Dads to media: We’re not idiots!, Huggies – Not All Dads Are Imbeciles), the likelihood of fathers having less custody and children being used as a weapon for grudges or money. This post is to make people aware of the damage it is doing to future generations and the ripple effect. A call to both men and women to take responsibility for the lives they bring into the world. If anything upsets you, is not true or needs correction, please feel free to comment in the Disqus panel below the post.

The necessity of fathers: Warren Farrell/JB Peterson (summary below)

Summary
– Children’s well-being should be first and then personal perspectives.

Whenever either sex wins, both sexes lose. Paras note: Something I keep telling my partner when we have an issue. If one of us wins, the relationship loses.

So if the father is not in the picture:
– Children have less postponed gratification which leads to them not getting a meaningful job.

– They are more likely to be aggressive and depressed. They are less likely to be empathetic.

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– Much more likely to be addicted to video games, video porn. Less likely to have better social and emotional skills. Wont be good in every academic area especially reading and writing which is the biggest predictor of sex.

– Lower sperm count!

– Shorter telomeres which means shorter life expectancy. 14% shorter for girls, and for boys 14% even shorter than the girls.

– Kids did well with the father around even when they were in poorer schools.

Every nightmare of the parent is increased without the father around

Necessities from the Father that may annoy or bother the Mother but are Crucial
– Rough housing with kids. The mother worries there will be an accident. Studies in rats showed that rough and tumble play, the stronger rat would usually win but would let the weaker win 30% or the little rat wouldn’t play any more. It helps children parameterise their bodies, abilities and limits. The rats that didn’t get the rough and tumble play exhibited ADD/ADHD which was treated by Ritalin. The mother has to trust the process or the father will turn off. The child learns about boundaries, rules and learning to push the boundaries. A good opportunity for the father to show them when they are crossing the line.

– A partner who hasn’t been played with in the same way can’t tell the difference between boisterous rambunctiousness and aggression. This will be seen and domination and submission.

– A bond is created with father and child. It’s used as primary reward from the father. Ok enough play now, do your chores and when we have time we can do something else. It’s crucial for the kids to play.

Out of play emerges an ethic

– Training is easier with reward vs. threat or punishment even though reward is harder to use. So fathers should use rough and tumble play as much as possible because it will deepen the trust and long term reward. The threat and relief of being thrown up and caught does this. Play stops if everyone is not having fun. If they make another kid cry they will try look away but make them look to see what happens when boundaries are crossed.

– Children raised only by predominantly by dads will have 15% ADHD while it was double when raised predominantly by moms. This is because they are learning postponed gratification. If they don’t learn this part they will get bored with the repetition required to be successful. So it’s like they have a goal to get to but if they don’t get the goal or it’s too hard for them to get to then they wont see a point in doing what needs to be done. Another reason why they’re moving more to video games.

– Real life games are not necessarily fun and requires more work than video games. Then they feel like they can’t attract the girls as they are interested in the physical performers which leads them to withdrawing into porn. The porn goes into a vicious cycle and you can know more about that here – The Great Porn Experiment and Porn Addiction

– Now he’s used to seeing how it’s done in porn and when he meets someone asks them to do the same but doesn’t get it so he thinks he’s even more useless. Going back to his comfort. It goes back to postponed gratification. Nobody can see his sensitivity so one day he wants to show people that he counts, he matters, he is worthy of attention. Worst case scenarios are suicide or school shootings.

– Daughters have more psychological centred-ness with dad around.

– With the little custody time that fathers get they are not able to go deeper to the core of whats happening with the child even though the kid is happy with the additional prodding to get them out of the shell. The child is more confrontational with the dad when talking about issues while they open up faster with the mom to get assurance. So the mother will say things like ‘you’re a great goalie’ while the father will say ‘come on, you know you can do, pull up your socks’. This is where they look up to the father to tell them the truth of what they need to hear not what they like to hear.

– 90 minutes communication time throughout the week to keep updated and 2-3 times a week personal time is healthy.

– Family dinner nights are important as long as they don’t become family dinner nightmares e.g. when the authoritarian takes over the conversation and there is no proper active listening which can easily be seen by family members quickly eating to leave or one way conversations. Children are required not to have electronics at the table. Everyone has an opportunity to talk and can be structured amount of time. Everyone’s needs are handled, cared for and putting other peoples feelings ahead into practice. The family unit are moving together.

– Biologically oriented inability to handle criticism without being defensive is the single biggest thing that kills marriages. Different people takes in different versions of the pictures. So everyone tries to see the others point of view and asks facilitated questions to understand it.

Know the story before issuing criticism

– So you can say ‘this is what I heard you say, do you agree with my formulation’. This helps verbal variation issues. You don’t have to agree with the other person but they do need to feel heard. When people feel heard they stop hating.

– Enrol your kids in cub-scouts for a minimum of 2 years. Get them in boy clubs. If they go from a mom only home to a female oriented school then they will end up getting destructive male mentors like gangleaders. They can join groups where boys can freely express feelings.

– Most fathers gave up what they wanted to do to do what they need to do. Acknowledge that men too gave their lives for the better of their futures.

– Jordan Peterson’s advice to fathers: Encourage your child. Form a relationship and impose the highest standards but don’t swing too far into judgement. The father who devours the son is jealous. Don’t be over protective, let them experience life as all sorts of things will come at them in life. So ‘get your act together, but I’m on your side’. Do something difficult and heroic.

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Why Fathers Matter With Paul Raeburn

Summary
– Absent fathers during pregnancy means four times the death rate of infants.

– Testosterone declines and nursing hormone prolactin increases.

– Increased risk of schizophrenia when fathers are older.

– Men have a biological clock.

– Play with fathers is a major thing. Reduces criminal activity.

– Fathers use more words which pull them to develop more quickly.

– Fathers are not necessary but they contribute a lot.

– Engage with your kids, listen to them, don’t just spend time… engage.

The Truth About Single Moms – Stefan Molyneux

Summary
– Fathers in TV shows are depicted as retarded mouth-breathers. Jokes moms told at dads expense on TV increased 4.3x in the 90s. All the kids watch TV and hours and hours so imagine the conditioning. But what is the truth about fathers and single moms?

– Children born of unmarried parents in the 40s = 4%, In 2010 = 41%.

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– Child abuse is less with both parents in the picture. Lots of stats comparing Whites, Blacks, Hispanics, etc.

– Working moms increased so kids don’t even see their mom as much as needed to grow up with a parent.

– Children breastfed at-least for 12 months will have 4 points higher in IQ.

– Poverty rates for female-headed household shoots through the roof compared to the others. Again non-married is much much higher. 6x more likely for women who had their first born outside marriage. Lots more similar stats.

– Homes without fathers showed a rise of:
90% of homeless,
71% dropouts,
85% of kids with behavioural disorders,
70% juveniles,
71% adolescent patients in chemical abuse centres,
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger,
63% youth suicides, increase in alcohol and drug abuse too,

… the best way to avoid rape in society is to have boys raised by fathers. SO, if you want to have fewer sex offenders more people need to get and stay married. That’s what the data shows, don’t shoot the messenger …

– Behaviour problems can be observed from 1 year old.

– Math skills, education, grades, higher likelyhood to get A’s with dad around. More likely to skive school, less likely to have a good relationship with teachers with absent fathers.

– Good and positive interaction with father are predictive of future popularity with peers.

– Those with single mothers spent 12-14 few hours a week with parents compared to full family.

– Numerous dysfunctions outlined including youth crime increases with single mothers.

– 5 to 7 family dinners per week significantly reduced the likelihood of kids using marijuana, alcohol, tobacco and reduces the likelihood of hanging out with friends that use these or become a drug user in the future.

– Girls reach sexual puberty earlier. The body is preparing itself for the environment from what it’s experiencing. Basically the daughters puberty is at stake without the father being around and the science behind it. Boy’s case is reversed and they reach puberty later.

– Less likely to get involved in sexual activity with increased closeness to dad.

– Infant death risk was increased without dad around. Better infant sleep too.

– Rough and tumble play (see Robert Peterson part above). They are more likely to go to the father for advice.

– Fathers use more diverse vocabulary with child which increases kids language ability. This can be seen from 15 to 36 months.

– Mothers value advice:
45% from teachers/doctors,
16% from close friends and relatives,
11% husbands. Worth thinking: Why all the men who gave up and left the family are boxed in as as weak or didn’t have other options.

Irreplaceable Trailer

We have taxed responsible families vs. subsidised irresponsible families.

Bonus: This Is Life With Lisa Ling – The Dad Dilemma

Bonus: The Best Quotes on Fatherhood

Bonus: The Importance of Fathers (According to Science)

Bonus: The Facts on Fatherlessness
Fatherlessness increases poverty, lowers educational performance, increases crime, drugs, sexual problems, physical & mental health problems, costs Australia 13 billion dollars per year, increases physical and sexual child abuse … and family break down issues.

Bonus: The Extent of Fatherlessness
According to 72.2 % of the U.S. population, fatherlessness is the most significant family or social problem facing America.

Bonus: The Fatherless Generation Statistics

Bonus: Fathers who are involved in infant parenting have better mental health

Bonus: What Representing Men in Divorce Taught Me About Fatherhood | Marilyn York | TED x University of Nevada

Bonus: The Boy Crisis: A Sobering look at the State of our Boys | Warren Farrell Ph.D. | TEDxMarin

Bonus: Fathers Have More Influence In A Daughter’s Life Than Mothers, Studies Show

When it comes to mothers and daughters we all kind of believe that this bond is the greatest one in the world. Many would even say that a mother is all a daughter needs, which according to research is not entirely true. Recent studies have shown that daughters not only benefit from a fatherly figure in their life, but that fathers which are emotionally involved and present in their daughters’ lives are essential for their proper emotional development.

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WHY DADS MATTER EMOTIONALLY

A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology has found that daughters who have great relationships with their fathers are at lower risk of developing depression and anxiety and are better at handing stress. In addition, they are more comfortable talking about their emotions and this allows them to be prepared for fulfilling relationships later on.

Thinks like relationships, sexuality, values, and self-image are additional things that fathers shape for their daughters. When a dad forms a healthy relationship with his daughter, he basically helps her create a positive self-image and boosts her self-confidence.

WHY DADS MATTER PRACTICALLY

Aside from the emotional factor, fathers play a huge role in their daughters’ physical and financial health. Rutgers conducted a study which revealed that daughters who had a more involved father in their childhood were more likely to be well-off financially and physically healthier compared to those with uninvolved or absent fathers.

Fathers are usually perceived as a symbol of financial stability, which in combination with the physical and emotional well-being provides for a successful and financially established daughter.

INVOLVED FROM THE BEGINNING

Fathers who are involved from the very beginning and whose bond is stronger are able to reap and provide all the benefits mentioned above. Earlier involvement is relatively new concepts, given that about seven decades ago fathers couldn’t even be present in the room when their daughters were born.

These days, there are more opportunities for men to be involved from the very beginning. They can feed their girls using formula, rock them to sleep, change their diapers and many more, which allows them to build a special bond from the start.

INFLUENCE OF MEDIA

Even though fathers can really get involved now from the start, the media seems to want to hold on to that old-fashioned image and goes against everything we’re saying. This negative media influence is getting harder to overcome and how can fathers do it when we’re bombarded with commercials that picture dads as idiots who don’t have a clue about what their baby needs or wants. These poor portrayals as stereotypes which shouldn’t be followed and should be dismissed as such, failed attempts at comedy and satire.

ROLE OF MOMS

While having a dad around is of utmost importance, this does not to diminish the role of mothers. Mothers provide valuable advice about what it means to be a successful woman and are the ones that provide their daughters with information on puberty, menstruation, and so on.

Sources: http://seizepositivity.com, peacequarters.com, ifstudies.org

Dad-erina

Rare and amazing dedication to the men for once.