Parenting Lessons from Vedanta by Chinmaya Mission (Swami Prakashananda & Swami Swaroopananda)

​Parenting Lessons from Vedanta

Summary
What you want to see in your child you have to be yourself. Teaching your child starts even longer than 9 months before birth. When asked about the rebellious drunkard son who converted to Islam, Gandhi replied from scriptures – the child takes the disposition of the parents at the time of birth – he was not the Gandhi people knew.

The father has to give a lot of support while mother is carrying.

All impressions and sanskaras will be formed before puberty. So even if they drift away later, if you did a good job the first 12 years, eventually they’ll fall back in line.

Parenting is a Sadhana that you are giving a boon to the world through your child. It’s not about you or your ego that you need to hand down. Then you wouldn’t over-react with the child’s low grades and instead find out ways to help and improve the situation.

Parents want to live their dreams through their children but the children come with their own journey. Don’t try to gain social milage through them.

The cultural values you want them to practices you talk to them about with the pros and cons. One on one.

Remind the child all the success is by the grace of a higher divinity.

Teach them that whatever they do is a contribution to society. Ask them what they see in 20 years, what contribution they’re going to make, who will benefit.

Explain to them that anything that impairs their intellectual ability will in the long-term impair their intellect – alcohol, porn, etc.

Practical Tips on The Art of Parenting

Summary
Children are the best feedback the parents can have to learn from.

Comparing children is the worst thing you can do.

Children are the arrow, parents are the bow. Let your already lived past die and learn through them.

Children are drawn to people who make them feel that they exist.

Shower them with affection (don’t spoil them, know the difference) for the first 5 years. Give them love and time, not child care centres.

Most of the problems with people these days is related to their parents. And it goes on with them until adulthood to old age. When you tell your child things like ‘you are not diploma material’ just because you want them to carry on the family business, the damage is so deep and long term. Stop teaching them what they can’t do! No this no that. If you have to touch the child remember you have failed. Act don’t react.

Train them, be strict, teach them about the school of life. After the age of 15 be like a friend. Let them share their issues with you and you share your issues with them.

The first years the child is more attached to the mom. Fun fact: Apart from Sea-horses and some penguins. Mom is better at giving and teaching them qualities of love, affection, care and tolerance.

The next 6 years they want to imitate the father and get attached to dad. The father has to emulate what they want the child to be like and not just talk but action. Girls find it easy to get affection but boys didn’t learn from their dad about affection. Even in 30s to 50s they still crave the affection.

Next phase is teenage – if you’ve done your job well they’ll be fine. You become a friend.

If they’re not good academically, they will be good in other things. Don’t just fixate on grades. Most drop outs are the bosses of the world today.

When they don’t like something, find a way to explain why it is good for them. They don’t like maths but it’s going to help them in the future, it’s good for certain faculties of the brain, etc.

If the child senses your confidence in them, they will feel the confidence.

Inspire them to give just a little more attention in the field you want them to improve in. Then show them the results and again repeat inspiring them to give just a little more attention.

Don’t get angry that they are answering back, be proud that they have learned to stand up for themselves and developing their own ideas.

What you sow in their childhood you will reap in your old age. Don’t spend time or spend time but do wrong, you’ll get it back. Teach them to chase money, you’ll be living alone while their priority is money. If you don’t bother to learn about where they’re coming from, they won’t care what you have to say. What you do, comes back to you.

Teach them scriptures, learning duties from the stories.

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