NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
Narcissistic abuse is covert and often designed as love and care but it’s anything but. It’s not a single act of cruelty like an insulting comment or verbal abuse laced with a string or profanities. It’s the insidious, gradual, and intentional erosion of a person’s sense of self-worth. It’s a combination of emotional and psychological abuse aimed at undermining a person’s identity for the sole purpose of obtaining control for personal gain. It can involve patterns of dominance, manipulation, intimidation, emotional coercion, withholding, dishonesty, extreme selfishness, guilt mongering, rejection, stonewalling (not to be confused with no contact initiated by the victim), gaslighting, financial abuse, extreme jealousy and possessiveness. (www.freedomtoxic.com)
NARCISSISTIC ABUSE SYNDROME
Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome (type of PTSD) Is a condition that’s triggered by being in a warzone with a Narcissistic personality in command (or multiple ones). It is a hellish game of smoke and mirrors. It often causes victims to feel defenceless, beaten down and at fault for everything.
Symptoms of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome: Fog, depression, pacing, confusion, panic attacks, difficulty controlling anger, insomnia, weight gain or weight loss, obsessive thoughts, rapid heart rate, There is often a fear of the Narcissist(s) annihilating you. The target will appear as if they are either in a fog or going crazy. Narcissistic abuse has often been described by victims as a “soul rape”.
BAITING AND BASHING
“Abusive people enjoy this framing game. They provoke their chosen target for a reaction (target explodes), then claim it as evidence of mental instability, evil-mindedness, demonic possession or something else that implies it is the target who is at fault. Diverting all attention away from his own behaviour, the bully seeks support from others, turning them against his target because they got upset etc. It can be devastating for an individual who already is suffering from mistreatment to be blamed, slandered, rejected, and isolated, as well. The abuser enjoys the sense of power and control he derives from tormenting with impunity, and the positive attention he gets from playing the victim and fishing for sympathy. It is also an effective method of intimidating his target from attempting to speak up and expose the truth.” http://got.to.stop.psychopath.com
THE SMEAR CAMPAIGN
“An offensive tactic of the Narcissist is to use Smear Campaigns to malign, discredit and reduce targets to inferior beings – to strip them of their power by derogating their character. This tactic also divides and conquers by pitting people against a supposed “foe” Targets are stuck between a rock and a hard place, right where narcissists like them to be: damned if they defend themselves and damned if they don’t.
This process is never accomplished by a single person, though. Smear Campaigns require a mob to finish the job the rumourmonger started and just like chickens in a coop, one hen is singled out and the others peek her to death. The originator, who selected the target for destruction, can sit back and enjoy the show while other hens commit an atrocity.” An online meme ~n-continuum.blogspot.ca/StopTheNarcissists Now/facebook
At this point a false narrative is pushed forward and there is little the target can do to prevent it. It is presented as fact and very few people question it. The Smear Campaign is often used to prevent the truth from coming out. It may also be used due to vindictiveness, jealousy or sense of a threat.
THE ROLE OF STOCKHOLM SYNDROME
One of the saddest things about Narcissistic abuse is how the target will often protect or even cover for the Narcissist while the Narcissist(s) is trying to destroy her. At a later time the Narcissist will use this against the victim, especially if a Narcissistic injury has occured. The Narcissist will use and exploit kinder or weaker people in order to be admired and pitied by others. Even while a target is being exploited and abused you may still hear her defend her abuser(s).
SIGNS OF BEING A VICTIM OF GASLIGHTING
- You are constantly second-guessing yourself.
- You start to question if you are too sensitive.
- You often feel confused and have a hard time making simple decisions.
- You find yourself constantly apologizing to the Narcissists.
- You often make excuses for the Narcissist.
- You feel like you can’t do anything right and everything is your fault.
- You often feel like you aren’t good enough.
- You remember you used to be a more confident, relaxed and happy person.
“Gaslighting is very real and debilitating in an abusive dynamic with a narcissist. Over time you are managed down and manipulated into believing the atrocities that are directed straight to your psyche that you can’t identify the real dynamic of this insidious abuse and just blame yourself. The gaslighting effect happens gradually and by the time you are so deep into the hideous manipulation you allow it to define your reality and sanity. Consequently you are not the same strong, confident or centred person you once were.
It is as if your personality was erased and darkness has taken over and surrounded you. Your functioning self has been compromised so much so that you are not certain of your own mental and physical reality and accept the defective role the Narcissist has designed for you! You are living in a dense fog of constant uncertainty, vulnerability, confusion and fear, and there you will reside until the cycle of abuse is broken!” Greg Zaffuto
A group of toxic people come in different shapes and sizes. They can be church members, a family or even a cluster of co-workers. One of the common themes for a toxic group is that they don’t want to get to know the real victim. They want to construct a false image of the victim so it justifies the abusive behaviours. It’s the classic set up of creating a scapegoat and the survivor taking the brunt of the collective dysfunction.
HOW TO DEAL WITH A NARCISSIST AND THE FLYING MONKEY’S
- keep it on the down-low
- get back-up
- go no contact (if you can)
- you may have to move
- protect yourself
- preserve your rep
- be prepared for the worst
- document everything
- forgive yourself
Join the cause and help spread awareness.
www.narcissisticvictimsyndrome.com
created by: j.chenoweth
Video series: Narcissism Series: Diagnosis, Their Weapons, Family Dynamic & Solutions
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