The Boon and Bane of Boredom

The Boon and Bane of Boredom
One of my favorite contradictions. Since as far back as I can remember I’ve had this programmed into me… ‘been there, done that’. And if thats the case I don’t even have to consciously decide on my options… anything but what I’ve already experienced. Whatever it is… if it’s the norm I’ll go for something else. I think mom was the same in many ways. Lets takes music for example… I used to wonder how some of the folks I knew could only be so immersed in one genre. But now I appreciate them because without them who else is going to recommend the cream of the crop to me. My uncle calls me an extremist in that sense. I’ll be for one thing so intensely and then for the opposite once I’ve figured out the patterns. It’s weird, how can I be so frustrated at predictability. I know the suns going to shine tomorrow again but I’m not frustrated about that. Its like I get mad at patterns because once I’ve figured it out I want to explore more, experience everything.

It’s also a safety mechanism. There was a time I loved getting drunk… hated the taste of alcohol but loved getting high… did it so much usually 4 days a week for more than 3 years… but like my spiritual guru compares things to the bow and arrow… I guess its the same… I was in that habit so long I knew each and every phase of the procedure and as much as I loved dancing my trouble away inebriated my best bit was the hangover. At that age there were no headaches or pains. I’d just lay on the couch the whole day ruminating and that’s where all these thoughts, revelations, realizations dawned. Now I hardly drink. That’s just an example of how the arrow of experience would be pulled so far back to boredom that it shoots in any direction… as long as its not where it is. Thanx to that I’ve pushed boundaries, not only exploring music but eating the weird and nastiest of foods, or even little things like climbing stairs in different ways, sitting in random positions (and I’ve found a favorite which does not look very conventional but hits the spot ;))

I love boredom when it pushes me but I absolutely abhor it when I’m still stuck in the rut. The same guru says let that happen… let it pinch you so hard you can’t help but move on. I purposely get obsessed with things I’m into just because I know that bow/arrow reflex is close. Sometimes not that close but eventually it comes. Only I’ve reached a point where it all feels the same… like its a pizza base… whatever it is, is just different topping. Give it a different name… calzone, quesadillas… c’est la même chose! The base is the same… say like travelling right… all these great cities… but the patterns the same… they all have their distinct foods, buildings, monuments, lifestyles… but they all have it in the end. Same Starbucks, McD’s, etc… different subtitles. You know what I mean? What more is there. Sometimes I think I better slow down coz I’m literally going to be bored to death before my time and according to my lifeline I have a long way to go lol. But then what if I squeeze every experience/boundary… whats after that?

Oh and another thing… as much as I talk about boredom… I’m hardly ever bored. Does that even make sense? Like I’ll get bored OF something… but being bored itself? Say like I’ll get bored of listening to the same song… but I’m bored OF that song… like … YEAH, it’s like I get bored of external stuff but inside… there’s just too much magic… maybe thats what’s next. Deep inside I know (not because enlightened folks have said it) that all these experiences I crave to experience, the real experiences are really inside. Say like you take a drug or drink… it’s just firing of synapses/releasing chemicals/etc that are already inside you. Again my spiritual guru says when you enjoy a smell/sound/etc… you close your eyes, he says we do that because it’s really inside which enjoys it. The whole beauty is in the ‘eye of the beholder’ thing. Hmmm… hope I don’t get bored of typing my random thoughts because they help me see things from different angles. ;o)

Like Aries Spears says … ‘Sample that’! I go by it… there’s just too much out there. But thats another topic.