Wetlands by Charlotte Roche, translated by Tim Mohr

[From the Inside Flap
Helen Memel lies in the Department of Internal Medicine at Maria Hilf Hospital. While she waits for her divorced parents to come and visit her – who she hopes will finally be reconciled by the side of her hospital bed – she begins to examine those parts of her body usually seen as distinctly ‘unladylike’. She lets the orderly, Robin, take photos of those areas her curious gaze can’t reach. And, on the side, she tends to her collection of avocado stones – which also happen to provide her with invaluable sexual services …
Wetlands takes an unflinching, and very funny, look at one of the last remaining taboos of today. Courageous, radical and provocative, Charlotte Roche’s novel rebels against hygiene hysteria, the sterile aesthetics of women’s magazines and standardized dealings with the female body and its sexuality. This is a wonderfully wild story of a heroine both pleasure-seeking and vulnerable, who voices what others do not even dare to think.]

What a chore! Like hoovering you don’t really mind most of it but there’s the corners you hate doing and theres the little bits you look forward to doing coz you’ll hear the junk being sucked up… yup thats the little thrill you get now and then from her maxims or jokes. When I started reading the book I turned ugly man… the gore was so raw that I was making faces while reading. From talking about shaving her ass and her extra spread out hemroids, to rubbing her bare crotch on public toilet seats… ugh… strike 3 was when her and her friend throw up after drinks and drugs and they drink it back up… after that I was like whatever man.

The story is set in the hospital and when she’s not talking about blood and all her other filthiness she shares her inner thoughts most are refreshing as they go into areas not usually touched upon but at the same time I can’t help but feel the writer is trying to get the shock value through meretricious filth. What bugs me out even more is her style of writing… maybe its because she’s in a hospital, maybe its because the translator did do too well in german or the fact that he was a staff editor for Playboy. But the whole book was monotonous with what I’ll call surgical commentary. I’m doing this and it feels like this and now I’m going to do this and this happens. YAWN!

Part of the book was genius because it’s an 18 year olds thoughts and emotions and mental explorations and cheap thrills… some of the cheapest thrills mind you. But if you don’t look for that, you’ve not acquired the taste for such material or you’re not a mysophiliac you feel the book is … desperate. See again the desperation is genius coz of the age but it goes too far. The biggest let down was not being emotionally moved. After 190 pages you finally feel her actually getting emotional about something and she even uses an exclamation mark for it… after 190 pages?

So yeah just like hoovering it’s mostly a chore. I will give kudos for a few things… some already mentioned but also her bravado, this girl has experienced things women even my age still have not clue about, which I absolutely admire. When she’s not thinking gore it’s mostly sexual and when I’m on road trips I’m the same… if it’s not sexual its mini adventures and cheap thrills. So she’s right on the money there. Major props for not conforming to ‘the rules’ even though it was about hygiene she explored and did all these dirty things… eat her dried up snot or menstrual blood or make her own tampons… no matter how gross it was, she fought the power and you always get props for that. Props also for making me feel one constant emotion with facial expression or not. Mega props for getting me to type such a long review about it! And finally after reading Human Sexuality I always wanted to used certain words and thanx to this book I got to make use of mysophilia so yay for my cheap thrill lol. Again, even if you enjoy vivid descriptions of gore or have such a fetish beware of monotony. Taz… you’ve damaged me and you’re enjoying it!