Oslo – October 2009

If you’re on Facebook… pics are at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=111550&id=500304440&ref=mf

09/10/09 Friday – Early morning gym session. Fitness First instructor forcing the guys to add more weight and hinting not to come to his class if they can’t do it. Freeze my gym account. Busses to Old Street. Taz shows me her work place… it’s like a college for adults man… got gym, soft water, cafeteria… wicked man! have a fish cake there with extra tartar sauce. Change money at M&S. There were these NSPCC or something guys on the street… you know the guys that want you to pay just a couple of quid to save something or another. Some dude was passing them smoking so this cheeky bugger goes up to him saying ah yes please smoke my way I can’t get enough of passive smoke. Lol after that he sees us passing him and just looks at us and says ‘shall we?’ in such a sarcastic way. Loving it.

Walk to Liverpool Street. We try hunt for our bus stop. Get the coach to Standsted. Link with Davina, check in, Trish joins us, buy booze and food in the duty free. Before boarding I felt something in my inside pocket and realized it was fire crackers I’d found at the Small World festival… shit!!! I went through check in with that in my pocket!? Freaked out so dumped them in the bin before boarding. Note: I seem to attract people that love bloody fiddling behind me… be it standing in the queue they come up too close, cinema seats, etc! Then we get a bus to Oslo and I’m left sitting next to this huge guy. Hell he even let out a sigh of disturbance coz he had to put his bag on his lap! WTF I’m sitting there trying to fit in and still hanging out in the ilse at the same time.

Get to Oslo… walk around to our hotel. Try out their complimentary double salt licorice sweets… at first I was like WTF is this!? Then it’s like… hmmm not too bad. Our rooms is huge man! Loved that and we had like 3 bunks coz Kai and Adele will join us tomorrow. Watch some movie called Election which was random and funny.

10/10/09 Saturday – Kai and Adele join us. Davina’s like ‘care to have a shower and smell like a flower?’ Kai is like ‘wakey wakey hands off snakey’. Have a shower and realized how much I love soft water… I’m gonna move to a country with soft water for sure. McDonald’s brekkie. Sightseeing. Come to The Vigeland Park. LOOOOOTS of naked statues doing all sorts. There was one bit on the fountains walls where it looks like the persons kicking a dog… when most of the other ones are about sex, threesomes, orgies, etc. Weird. Then there was the big phallus thing and the wheel of life. Walk around more. Seaside. Chill. Walk. Trish gets shrimps or prawns. Late lunch… I try their local cheese which is sooooo sweet. Walk again.

Oh and all this time mostly it was Davina and Kai or myself and Kai ahead of the rest. Lol Davina was like if only they used that energy on their legs instead of their mouths. Lol. Kai and Davina had jokes though. Get to the Opera house/building/structure thing and Kai had mentioned it looked like a ski slope… I was like dayum… if it snowed I’d def get on some skis and do it… but then Kai pointed out that it slopes down to the water so… maybe not! Walk back to our area codes… chill and drinks in this rock pub… one group of people in there actually looked like rockers from the …. 60s? Anyway, the post of Slash was the best. Rock music playing in the background and rock videos on tv. Seems like rockers were expressing their transgender side too.

Back to the hotel for some drinks, jokes and chats. End up with some deep debates. Religion and philosophy. By this time I was ready with the whiskey Taz and I got and wanted some music that was not from my cell phone. Now I thought Taz and I were gonna go check out what’s going on but suddenly she’s taking food orders so I went alone. All pumped to party… get out of the hotel and its freeeeeezing! So I’m like better find a kicking joint soon. Didn’t find anything and went back to the hotel… Trish is like where’s Taz? I’m like she didn’t come with me… Trish is like she’s at the 7/11 getting food. I’m like ok I’ll go get her. Get to the 7/11 and I start comparing the guy making hotdogs to Taz’s ex. And I kept insisting to him that he looked like Feys. Like hotdog guy is meant to know Taz’s history or something lol. Next day Taz reminded me and she’s something like … don’t make him the ex guy, make him the next guy kinda thing. Twatswat (thats Dane Cooks term for C-blocking a girl).

Back in our room my sell by date has approached and soon to be in my ‘need a beat’ recovery position. Finish up giving Trish a massage… if thats what you call it… lol this time my mouth doing all the talking… imagine serious discussions and a massage… how relaxing is that! So try to move our bunk in a way I could face the TV… suddenly Trish and Taz and moving it too and the beds just making circles now. Finally get in bed and sulk for a bit. TV. Sleep.

11/10/09 Sunday – Find out Taz and Trish did go out… man I gotta stop being so spoilt! Then again I wanted to get in the place before it went from major buzz to mash up. Pack. Davina, Kai and Adele do their thing. Taz, Trish and I do bed sheets and stuff lol. Check out… leave the dude with our bottles. He’s like everyone just gives me booze but I’m not complaining. I try to find internet coz I’d printed both my boarding passes on one paper trying to save paper and find out they rip part of the paper. Find internet but no printers. Relink with Davina, Kai and Adele, walk around and window shop. Coffee. Find a place to print my boarding pass. Coach (this time 2 noisy guys behind me). Airport (get the seat at the end and a free seat next to me… double whammy!). Man the announcements on the flights are getting too much… the hostess marketing shit, pilot and his sleepy talk makes you feel very safe, then theres recorded announcements about menus, duty free, some flight lottery… just STFU! Land. Goodbyes. Coach to London. Busses home.