At Your Own Risk – A Saint’s Testament by Derek Jarman

This guy is just oozing creativity… well he’s dead now but will live on through his work especially in the gay scene. He was a painter, theatre designer, author, film-maker, set designer, costume designer, production designer, AIDS activist, and a Saint… But we’ll get to Saint bit in a bit. The book is his autobiography, and not only about him but the social lives and differences of what he calls heterosoc and of course homosexuals. It also includes a lot of articles from the media and how they blow everything out of proportion (as always). Basically each chapter is a decade and each decade is made clear with a montage of articles, states or minds in that time and his own look and experience on it. What I really loved about his writing style (and try to do the same in my stuff) was the blatancy and rawness but at the same time keep the mood light or not too overwhelming, no matter how outrageous and offensive it may seem.

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Chapters:
1940’s – mostly articles about the gays in the Military and how they would be handled etc. And how some of them would be rent boys (Rent boy = gigolo or gay gigolo). Before I go any further please note this wont be the best review as dudes writing was kinda confusing at times and also there are so many snippets so there were not many predictable patterns that set the tone for a book.

1950’s – the only note I have is about the guy that decoded the Enigma Code was gay. Maybe the big guns turned a blind eye, maybe they used him and then treated him like all the other gay folks… can’t really remember.

1960’s – something about oldies. Dude’s first visit to a queer pub. Oh yeah gays back then must have been so messed up coz if they came out, Heterosoc would make their life hell, families would disown them, etc. Until artists intervened. Laws changed and it felt like it was ok to be gay in the open but the police started giving them drama by raiding clubs and all sorts. Now Jarman keeps talking about the Heath… I guess that’s where most guys went ‘cruising’(cruising = walking, driving, browsing in known areas just for sex). And there’s some story of how the firemen would have a locking and invite gay folks in their pool after the gays had finished clubbing and shlack. Note: Any hetero that his not yet been hit on by gay folks wont even realize this but there are more closet gays than you think. For some reason I get confused as one too and, boy, the homies I found out were gay… I mean some of my gangsta-est clubbing buddies. Back to the book, before I start naming names lol. Finally gays had it. Too many were being injured or killed by homophobic hate crimes… so they had a riot. They shook the city up man! My favourite line in the whole book is when Derek talks about the Transexuals being way more violent, aggressive and just more lethal in such situations. The line went something like a dress was basically a badge of courage. And how right he is! There are lots and lots of stories of the wild sex kind but the craziest one was about… dude goes to see his bootie call and ended up in an orgy with his friend and friends dad.

1970’s – founding of the Gay Liberation Front, gay politics, manifestos, the gay manual, the drugs, baths, saunas. Special note about the hamstrings but can’t remember and really can’t be bothered. I’m really sorry. Media making it worse with stupidity and spreading the wrong awareness about AIDS. Calling it the gay cancer. The circle of death as more and more known gay folks were dying of AIDS. Pasolini, Wilde, etc.

1980’s – New AIDS acronym – Arse Injected Death Syndrome. I personally prefer Prasheel’s version – Another Idiot Discovered Sex… or was it All Interested Die Soon? Anyway… More misleading quotations from the media. Doctors were making it even worse coz if they knew their patient was gay they’d tell the patient he already was HIV+ so as to stop them from ‘funking around’. So many more deaths of Derek’s friends it’s like he never knew when he’d see them next. So he has a little Lamentation section in memory of quite a few of his friends, the memories he shared of them and a kind word or two… or not. The Sun whipped up the most flames with the most ignorant headlines and articles which were so far away from the truth. And so many pages were dedicated to such articles and headlines. And how Derek finds out he’s infected too how the kiss or death was his kiss of life. Living the life of an AIDS infected gay man, interviews on the subject and the like.

1990’s – Derek is canonised by the gay order of nuns (the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence) for his films and books and very sexy nose as Saint Derek of Dungeness of the Order of Celluloid Knights. Don’t ask. Some poems and a deep meaningful goodbye to the world.

An Appendix – Which was basically information sent to him by his friends who were involved in the struggle for civil rights. Stuff about Hetero Hero (Magic Johnson) admitting he has AIDS and turned into all-American Hero by the president. While Homo Weirdo (Freddie Mercury) dies 24 hours after his public statement and how the tabloids heave into action. Statistics of criminal injustice even though being gay was not a crime anymore. Queer Policing. Tax money issues. Something that looks like a constitution, laws, rights, demands and bills for gay folks and folks with HIV. And that’s it.

Oh no wait… there are 2 sections in the book with black and white pictures. Don’t know what they are there for. I could do the research but I’m knackered after an amazing weekend and I still gotta review an audio book and take notes on the book I just started. All I can say is big up Genie for the book and even through I used to have fun using terms like fudge-packers, fairies, etc… I’ll definitely tone it down after this new found respect and awareness of the gaylord’s struggles and how far they’ve come ;o)