2 WEEK FILM COURSE – 1 October 2004

Day 1:
Meet the rest of class. Ed, Hasti, Alison and Fan. Oh and Leo is just like Kims man, anytime anyone have a problem they call for Leo and dude is always working. Kims ‘membered you mob man. Anyway our teach was busy helping his ex-students shoot for something so we went to check that out. I’d already been there and done that so I just wanted to learn stuff I didn’t know. Note: High Street shoot, rich ass folks all over the place… etc. Didn’t see much of the teacher… I’d already judged him from his talking style and stuff… nasty dude full of philosophy… I don’t need maxims I need education!!!

Day 2:
We didn’t see the teach at all, just went all over London shooting stuff we thought was artistic. Note: Had Jerk Chicken finally and blazed with Ed in the park before going home to think things through.

Day 3:
Teach tells us he does not even wanna bother watching our tape. That’s when my worst fears hit me. This dude is a drunk, not bothered with helping us with anything apart from pomping himself up. Was this college phoney? I wanna see the syllabus or something!! Note: Getting flashbacks of small time colleges. Better Note: I reach home and Whoomph… there it was.. my Powerbook… a MAC!!

Day 4:
Went location scouting saw some wicked places to shoot. Hasti wont stop with her ‘lets talk about it’ and with my attention span I just zoned out. You could see Alison and Ed’s frustration building, that way Fan was cool with everything. When we got back to the college I was frustrated with the teach coz he wont giving us no proper study material and we just see him like for 20 minutes and then have to figure the rest out ourselves. Hasti started pushing it with him and he flipped. Stayed till 10 after she left and boy did we get so much done. Note: Hasti hate campaign started lol. Oh and this is when Ed just kept skinning up… dude brought like a bag worth £70.

Day 5:
Did flowcharts and I swear if it wont for Fans storyboard we’d be a little lost on shooting day. Now see this is the messed bit… we’re meant to be taught about all these flowcharts and storyboards right… nothing!!!! Even the actor from the other class was like he wont pay for this course now that he’s seen how much the teacher attends his own class. To top that up while he sent us to figure it out he was sleeping and if not sleeping dude was drinking! Talk about being down in the dumps! Note: Ed liked the fact that we were left alone to do our own thing. Counter-note: I see where he’s coming from but I aint bust my ass to save up for months just so I could figure it all out.

Day 6:
Hooked up at Alisons. Ed sorted the plate number and a good job it was. Alison sorted the call sheet. I sorted her washing lol. Fan came over with Amy (model/actress) they checked out the scene and then went location hunting. Missions man! But found some wicked places and then there was this one place where we planned to shoot right… ended up watching this daddy play tennis with the kid and coaching him. Heart warming man!

Day 7:
Bridged (spelling) our heroine stayed over at Alisons. We set up her rooms for the shoot. I split for sometime coz Christina had free time. Went back blazed and watched the 3D pipes screensaver work in sync with the Drum and Bass. Note: Back home no one wanted to do that with me. So tomorrow is the shoot and we’re all stress with the call sheets and script. Oh yeah few days before everyone ended up hating Hasti coz we got so much work done when she wont there doing her nagging we ended up changing the script. Oh so much happened…

Day 8:
Hasti made it clear right from the start she wanted to direct and I made it clear that that’s fine as long as others get to direct too when they feel strongly about it. There was like 3 directors and so many issues about angles and all. Funking teach wont even there to do anything, drunk mother funk! All his promises were just bull man anyway I’m gonna sort his case after this mail. Back to the point… everyone had their own ideas for the shoot and I swear I could not bother wasting my time coming to compromise so I took the floor manager position. Leo was a gem behind the camera and he too had his own idea of the script lol. Fan’s ideas and everything were amazing… might do a music video with him. His Amy friend was so damn sweet and peppy. Note: Fan loves his Chinese food and I aint complaining coz he kept getting us grub. Oh and the places we shot man the views were amazing. Nasty note: They all left me alone with Hasti! Oh well she wont all that bad when her mouth was shut.

Day 9 AM:
Watch footage and now Ed’s getting frustrated at the teach too, I mean shoot man Richard promised he’ll get us the actresses… bull, promised he’d be with us for this and that… bull! I better stick to the point and save this ire for the press.
So anyway Richard (The Teach) was meant to be our homeless dude and we were all stressing if he’d show up considering his attendance. At least he showed for that. Shoot all over the place, got permission from Euston station bla bla. And it’s a wrap! Ate at The Cru, had me some calamari yum yum… Going back I was pumping the radio and I don’t know if it was the weed or the wine but Hasti was on fire. Who cares man we finished shooting, music was playing and us two were dancing on the street lol. Reach the station and I was like I’m in Fans car… we all felt so shit coz we left Bridged and Hasti to take the tube. Note: Hasti wanted to be in the booth… I wanted her to be in too!

Dad 9 PM:
Fan was gonna drop me to the station but before that he took me to a gun shop. Not real guns they were BB guns but exact replicas of any kinda gun you wanted man. I felt dodgy when he told me to hold any but then again I need to know so I grabbed a Magnum, Desert Eagle and I think AK 47 or whatever. Might just go back to get me one. They use it to play just like paint balling but more hardcore and more pain. Got home, Christina called, COME NOW MOVIE STARTS AT 10! Now I was drained and I didn’t wanna see no Hindi movie that night so I had to be crafty lol. Coz of that she didn’t let me sleep till 1 man. Tickled me so much I was aching the next day. Anyway I found a way to make the tickling stop… nuff sed!

Day 10:
Started batching the tape which ending up taking the whole day. See Richard pop in every few hours and ask the same thing… ‘Hows it going’. Fools meant to know how its going by being professional! Who cares man Ed had the skins and Fan brought the Yum Yums and that’s exactly what they were… YUM AND YUM.

Day 11:
Now we edit the stuff… I want no part in it with a nag next to me so dudes ‘figured’ Avid out while I slept. If it wont for Leo I don’t know what we’d do. Everyone was telling us about our sloppy teach and we’re like what can we do… we knew we were stuck coz he admitted that the site was misleading but the way they used the English we could not do anything. Oh well I found a lot of mails asking for refunds for the shady film production course. Somehow Paras gets himself into these things but I’m not worried no more coz I know the sun gone shine. I was just doing the course to get the diploma coz I was told I’m ‘not diploma material’. You can see I’m still mad coz that was hard earned cash and I wanted to even get some more knowledge than what we got. All the other teachers for acting, makeup, presenting and even the film teacher for weekends paid attention and had a proper syllabus for their students… our teach just had his own life experiences and lets not forget him gloating about what a bastard he is and how proud he is to be one. HEAVEN I NEED A HUG!

Day 12:
When we got to the so called college Fan had already edited the stuff and it was amazing. So Ed finished up on that. Then of course everyone wanted to make their own cuts right… cool with me coz I’m looking for things to get justice and I found a bit. Then there was the Yum Yums!!!

Day 13:
Made my cut before everyone came and Hasti ended up being the first to come, at least she stayed quiet. Found hashish in Richard’s tobacco packed… ahem. Did I mention him getting stoned? Did I mention him sleeping in the college and finding bottles of booze every morning? Did I mention him fighting with everyone and still being proud of it? Somehow he reminded me of someone and I guess I resent him more for it coz I know his game. Anyway he got stoned and then gave a public apology to Hasti. Ed was really worked up coz our film got some bad reviews and ended up blasting on Hasti for her ‘courtesy’. Anyway everyone wanted to flip on her. Now check this out, Richard came out with us at night for drinks and he was already drunk (as always) and the way he flip the script saying the 2 week course was a scam and not knowing how anyone can teach a film course in 2 weeks kinda shit. Same funker blasted us for feeling dodgy about what we were gonna learn. See his game? Anyway some dude at the pub was like a male Hasti and worked him up. Went to Bar Jerusalem after that, drank so much beer, usual exchanging eyes but no action. Ended up crashing at Ed’s dates place (a fine producer). Lucky bastard!

Day 14:
Watched her pilot program High School Project: USA and Mingers. Good stuff and funny stuff respectively. Back to college to finish our edit. Fell asleep, burnt our DVD, got some fake ass promise about being able to use the studios and usual bull. Printed my own diploma, ends up with the street address wrong so print edited ones, Richard puts a gold sticker on it and signs it when his name is not even on the diploma. Honestly if I don’t get some kind of compensation or if they don’t let me study with the weekend teacher I’ve got enough people and evidence to cause damage and I don’t really wanna but there is no way I’m gonna part with £1000 without real knowledge.

Worst bit:
Leo is such an amazing guy and he really looks up to Richard but Richard just teaches him about how to get away with things. I actually have a recording of Richard telling Leo how he just fooled the other class to think he’s the ‘authority’ and at the same time they get money in their pockets. The other film teach even had a worksheet to help him teach. Honestly I was gonna come from Kenya to do this course thank god I was already here but now I’m gonna get a few of the ex-students together and… well lets see if they enrol me in the weekend film course coz apart from The Worldwide mailing list there’s a few people that wanna go to the press and more that wanna go to court.

Best bit:
I’ve never got so close to a group of people and had so many experiences in 2 weeks. And I made me a sis (Alison Didi). And of course the diamond in the rough… BIGUP LEO!

The End

Fugue State

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